Pushing Through

I didn't post yesterday {obv} because I was about to just sit here and rant. The first day of classes is always...stressful for me. And it's not even the work - it's just me. 

When I saw this post from Jessica at Lovely Little Things {whom I love - she's way up there on my list of bloggers that I would totally love to be real-life besties with}, I was ecstatic. I knew that it was perfect for my first day - I would make it amazing by not complaining, and choosing joy.

Throughout the day, I did pretty well with that. Even in the classes where I was {and will continue to be} a clear outcast, I kept a positive attitude.

But then I got home, and everything came crashing down.

People have been telling me for months that I'm crazy for taking the classes that I'm choosing to take - and yesterday, I believed that. I was overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. The thought I had no clue what I was getting myself into. There's no way I can do this! wouldn't leave my mind. And then on top of that, I started dwelling on the feelings of being an outcast. I was a mess, and I had entirely lost the battle of not complaining, which was just another thing for me to hold against myself. 

But you know what I've realized?

I'm going to be fine.

Yes, the classes are going to be more challenging than any I have ever taken before.
Yes, I am going to feel like an outcast for a while.

But I'm not giving up.

I'll work my butt off doing the work for the classes; whatever it takes to understand what's being taught.
I'll push myself out of my shell little by little and make some friends. 
Most importantly, I'll pray like crazy and trust that my Heavenly Father will get me through this.

And just because I didn't make it yesterday without complaining doesn't mean that I can't start again today. I'm keeping this sticky note with me as a reminder:

Today will be better, because I will make it so.

1 comment:

  1. That's the spirit!! like some famous person said once,
    "keep calm and carry on" :)
    I know how it feels to be an outcast. I just remember that if they have a problem with me, it's their problem, not mine:)
    you have a good one,


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